The hamburglar at Glasgow Central

The pandemic, being on furlough, and now the racial injustice protests in the US wear me down sometimes. I thought that I would share a bit of frivolity to counter the “heaviness” of current events. The following events are true – nothing has been exaggerated.

I had a lot of time on my hands when we first moved to Kilmarnock from Amsterdam. I didn’t have a drivers license or a car so I couldn’t drive around to explore the sites. I hadn’t taken the train into Glasgow yet, so I thought that I would travel in for a quick lunch and back.

The trains that go from Kilmarnock to Glasgow Central must have been built in the 1960’s. It sounds like the conductor is putting the clutch in and out when it’s going and stopping. It’s really noisy and isn’t air conditioned. But, it was comfortable and almost empty. It’s only a 30 minute trip through some pretty countryside.

Glasgow Central is a decent train station. It isn’t as nice as the stations in the Netherlands, but it isn’t as busy either. There are some stores and fast food restaurants in the station. I decided to have lunch at the first restaurant I saw: Burger King. Fortunately, there wasn’t much of a line and not a lot of people in the restaurant. I ordered my usual Whopper with cheese meal and found a place to sit. I forgot to stop and get a straw and some ketchup. I left my tray on the table and walked over to the condiment area and grabbed what I needed. I was only maybe 5 steps away from my table, but my back was turned so I couldn’t see it.

I came back. Sat down, and immediately felt like something was different. I only had fries and a drink – no Whopper with cheese. I had had a hard time understanding the cashier’s accent when I first did my order, so I thought that maybe she had said that she would bring my Whopper to me and I just hadn’t understood and hadn’t notice that it wasn’t on my tray. I can be a bit ditzy so it’s possible.

I went to the cashier area and asked them if they are bringing my Whopper to me. She said that she already gave it to me when I ordered. I said: “oh, I think someone took it.” She says: “that happens a lot here, let me make you another one and bring it out.”

I swung around and looked suspiciously at the customers sitting in the restaurant – especially the ones close to my table. No one looked up at me and no one seemed to be eating a Whopper at the moment. I kept looking at everyone as I returned to my seat. Then, I looked around at them some more. No one had a guilty look or even looked at me. They brought me another Whopper.

It reminded me of the 1980’s McDonald’s commercial featuring the hamburglar. He loves hamburgers so much that he steals them. The funny thing is that I would have given someone my Whopper meal if they had asked. I would prefer to do that than just give someone spare change. It might be part of the fun to take it and see my reaction when I discover it’s gone. They had to be quick and great actors. I’m assuming it was a coordinated effort. Maybe there’s a gang of hamburglars in Glasgow.

That was in 2017. My doctor made me go on a diet not long after that so haven’t had a Whopper since. Now I kind of want one.